Reflections on 2020
It’s not in my nature to sit down and reflect a large span of time. Rather, I’m the type of person who is constantly reflecting, looking at where I could do better. However, 2020 has been an odd year - I’ve done more intentional reflecting than I ever have, especially about why I’m so hard on myself. I rarely see the good in what I’ve done, how far I’ve come from where I used to be, and give myself a pat on the back for all the progress I’ve made. It’s easier to see where I can improve and what I’ve done wrong. Anybody else feel the same?
This year, though, I did a bit more reflecting on what I actually DID in 2020. It’s a year that seems like very little has been done, but I was also crazy stressed and depressed and felt overworked… was that just my imagination? Or did I actually do that much?? So, into my calendar I went to find all my 2020 activities. Here’s the roundup of things that stick out as important, joyful, and real steps in the right direction for me:
I started working with FOUR new clients. Wow!! This all happened in February-April which seems even more special given that the pandemic had started but these new folks were investing in me. I feel so lucky.
For my 7 total clients I submitted over 86 grant LOI’s, applications, updates and reports. That’s nearly 2 submissions per week… and is more than double what I have ever done before. The total amount received from these submissions is over $430,000 and some asks are still pending, so I anticipate the total ending up being over $500,000 for the year. Through all this, I’ve learned a ton about my capacity as a freelancer, what type of work I value (I have to say it’s not 100% grant writing…) and I’m looking forward to setting healthy work/life balance boundaries and goals for projects in 2021.
I curated, coordinated, and performed in a pop-up concert at the Denver Art Museum’s Culturehaus Gala, putting together little pockets of French melodie and cabaret tunes to go alongside the epic Monet exhibit. Geez Louise was this fun music-making.
I sang an aria I had never sung before in public at a studio masterclass, and felt SO GOOD about it afterwards. It made me realize that I let fear get in my way too often.
I started a cookbook club with friends, and we kept it up on a quarterly basis during COVID.
I got a new haircut which was a big change for me!!
I laid a clear boundary and spoke out about my frustration to a client that had burned me before, saying “no” where in the past I easily would have said “yes” and really only gotten more stress (and a bit of money) out of the situation.
I made a chiffon cake for a friend’s anniversary - YUM!!!!
I worked at a grocery store/bar during a pandemic, and got to learn a TON about wine as I managed a pop-up wine shop in the store. Now to stop buying wine…
I spent time with other people’s dogs, getting in much-needed furry friend time and realizing that while I love animals I don’t have the capacity to have one for a while yet.
I attempted to date during a global pandemic. I give mad props to those womxn out there that have found any type of success in this and not “given up”, at least for awhile.
I launched my producing dreams! I attended Beth Morrison Projects’ mini Producer Academy, and got my feet wet in actual producing by building an immersive audio experience meant for the COVID-era with a talented team of local producers and creators that integrated Japanese culture and folklore. I am beyond excited to continue this producing work in 2021 with a TWO opera projects in Denver…. stay tuned!
I went camping many times - praise the lord that I am in a city that has such easy access to the great outdoors! Being outside was a great way to ground myself and a safer way to spend time with friends. I also learned that I don’t like camping alone as I freak myself out too much.
I turned a client into a part-time on-site role, giving me the human interaction I know I need and allowing me to stop working at a grocery store bar (a grind that was necessary given the job upheaval I experienced in late 2019).
I spent Thanksgiving alone and freaking loved it.
I got a TATTOO!!!! This happened late in the year, but the concept of this particular piece has been in the works for quite a long time. It commemorates my time spent in England, my love of tea and collection of teapots, as well as provides a reminder for me to maintain a mentality of abundance… and most importantly - I AM NOT PERFECT AND THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL THING.
I learned a ton about my own energy, what things drain me, and what boundaries I want to set more intentionally to maintain my energy reserves for the things that bring me joy.
While I didn’t watch Tiger King nor did I make sourdough bread (okay, I just got on this train in early 2021), I achieved A LOT. My learning keywords are capacity, boundaries, intention, joy, gratitude, and pride; and in 2021 I plan to stay aware of my capacity and set boundaries where needed; be intentional about the things I say yes/no to and the activities I do on a day to day basis; create more joy in my life; express gratitude for the simple and complex things; and be proud of what I’ve accomplished because even when it doesn’t look like a lot from inside your own brain it might actually be a TON from the outside and you are STILL. MAKING. PROGRESS.
Much love to you all and well wishes for a beautiful, joyful 2021. xx